A snow storm in summer
by s11235
Summary: Gwen's perspective on her relationship with Arthur throughout series one and two.


_A/N: This was written for the second drabble round at ag_fics. Totally different to anything I've done before, except perhaps the whole struggling with the word count thing :p. _

It came along like a snow storm in the height of summer. Impossible and unexpected.

I didn't ask for this.

I never sought it.

But it found me.

Foreign, unfamiliar.

It started long ago, in the aftermath of my father's death.

He showed me he was not the man I had assumed he was.

He proved me wrong. He surprised me.

And then in Ealdor.

He was back to being the prattish Prince I had, for so long, believed him to be.

Before I could think, I was confronting him. The Crown Prince of Camelot. Me, Gwen Leodegrance. Except that wasn't he had called me.

_Guinevere._ The fierce thrumming of my heart as his voice caressed the syllables of my full name was unwelcome, unanticipated.

My concern for him as he lay in a fevered limbo, hovering somewhere between life and death, was greater than I could have anticipated. In him I saw promise; in him I had placed my faith. He could not leave Camelot. He could not leave me. I told him this, as he fought for his life, mumbling something absurd about _the man he is inside. _I didn't think he had heard me. But he had.

And then it was me who was taking him by surprise. I saved his life. It gave me a thrill to hear him acknowledge it, to know I held that power over him. Then he thanked me. And it was I who was astonished once more. This was not the royal brat I had watched growing up.

But that did not mean I wanted him staying in my home.

He was rude.

He was condescending.

He was selfish.

And I told him. Not in delicate terms either. I railed at the future King of Camelot. The woman in me forgetting I was a mere maid. She surprised me.

He gave me a look which was not of anger but something closer to admiration.

And then he apologised.

He cooked me dinner.

We talked and laughed.

I don't know why it surprised me so- but it did- to find that I felt comfortable with him.

And then I saw the royal seal on the plate. It didn't shock me as much it should have done. He was a spoilt Prince after all.

Then he was touching my arm, sending an alien sensation through me, his eyes boring into mine with an intensity I couldn't understand.

Merlin burst in.

I was wishing him luck, presenting him with a simple white handkerchief. His eyes told me he was touched and a little taken aback by the gesture.

And then he was kissing me.

Shock melted into sensation.

He pulled away.

His expression telling me it had been as much a surprise to him.

Before I knew it things had slipped back into place. He reminded me of our position. That we could never be. It wasn't unexpected. But it still hurt.

And then he arrived when I was inches from certain death. Why had he come?

I didn't miss the look of hurt which passed across his features as I took Lancelot's hand. But I couldn't understand it.

He told me he had only come because Morgana had begged him. It surprised me how much the slight stung.

The next morning Lancelot was gone. I wasn't shocked, he had left before.

He surprised me that day in the lower town.

He was becoming the man I knew he could be.

I told him so.

He was surprised. He wasn't angry. He didn't remind me of my place. He didn't blame me for what had passed between Lancelot and I.

And the way he looked at me...

We jumped apart as the real world shattered the illusion.

He was watching Gaius being led to the pyre.

I could see the conflict in his face even at a distance.

I exploited it. I used my father's death against him. It was a low blow. But it might well have saved Gaius' life. Why then did I feel so guilty?

But then he looked at me as he attempted to convince his father of the old physician's innocence. I had already been forgiven.

We laughed outside Lady Vivian's door.

Suddenly it seemed so simple.

And then he remembered himself. He walked away.

It didn't surprise me. After all, he had done it before.

There were flowers on my scrubbed wooden table.

I frowned slightly, wondering if my suspicions were correct, if it was too much to hope for. The note told me it wasn't.

Then Merlin burst in. But my heart was so full I barely noticed. I had had a very surprising day.

He approached me in the courtyard.

I bore my heart to him as much as my mind would allow.

I dared to hope.

But he let me down. It did not surprise me.

What did surprise me was that he had left me alone to spend the night in Lady Vivian's chambers. I was ashamed of how keenly I felt it.

Then Merlin crashed through my door babbling about some enchantment. I was astonished at how willing I was to believe him.

I kissed him with a passion I didn't know or understand.

He kissed me back.

He told me that he had never loved another.

And I told him I could never be his Queen.

His expression was one of hope as he left.

He was not giving up yet.

He risked his life for me. I wasn't as shocked as I should have been.

He placed my hand over his heart. I was surprised to find it pounding as fast as my own and to see the intensity of his gaze.

Gaius knew. And he gave me hope.

I have never felt relief like it as I saw him. Battle-worn but alive.

For a moment I forgot I was a servant and he was the Prince.

But we were like a snow storm in summer. Surely it couldn't last.


End file.
